Father's Day

Father's Day is one of those days that the girls and I hide away. It is still really difficult to see all the commercials on tv and hear the sermons about great Dad's without getting sad.

My girls had a magnificent father they know that and they have some memories of the things that he used to do with them but not a lot before cancer. I try to remind them about how amazing he is and never let his memory die but it is really hard.

The girls told me that their memories of childhood revolved around cancer which spurred us onto our endless traveling for a couple of years to make sure that they have happy memories from childhood that will hopefully outweigh some of the sad ones.

When you loose your dad as an adult like I did. You miss him terribly but there is a lifetime of memories to keep them close in your heart. I remember my Dad walking me down the isle and his boisterous laugh of joy when I told him I was pregnant. I remember how the big bad drill instructor that was my dad LOVED to tease my very nonmilitary minded geeky husband.I remember my dad strolling into Annie's hospital room with a balloon and instantly calming her down after her tonsillectomy when no one else was having any luck calming her.

I remember my Dad swatting at Cassie with a fly swatter as she ran by. It was a game to Cassie to avoid the swatter it usually ended with them both laughing and I remember him sitting with a 6-month-old Merry explaining to her what was on television and Merry just looking up at him hanging on every word.

I have a lifetime of memories good and bad but my girls don't have that. So it is easier to just avoid life on Father's day. It is getting easier. I realized this year that I am having to fill both roles in my daughters' life so maybe instead of hiding next year I will claim the day as an extra day to celebrate the fact that we are a team and we have made it together.

Holidays are the toughest when you have lost someone. I think it is human nature to mourn all the things that your lost one will not see. I guess the day will always be tough till they are married and they get to celebrate the day with their kids Dad.

Luckily though their memories are few Gary left them with an indelible example of what a good father and husband is. They have never questioned that their Dad loved them with every bone in his body and he gave them the best gift any father could give their child he loved their mother fiercely. He always made sure that they knew how precious I was to him and by doing that he showed them what to look for in a husband one day.

To Gary's Dad that is thankfully still with us. Thank you for raising an amazing man and thank you for continuing to be there for the girls and I. Happy Father's Day

Happy Fathers Day in heaven baby I love you!

Happy Daddy's day to my Dad as well. I love you.