Happy July

I can not believe it is July. How crazy is that? Time is flying. I have two children who will be going into their Senior year in August. I realize it is 3-5 years till I am an empty nester (insert mild panic attack).

I am still in the market for a job. Money is crazy tight but it is an act of faith for the girls and I. My health is sketchy the doctor today considered adding a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia to my already extensive list of what's wrong with me. I am not sure that a 40 hour a week job is something that health wise I will even be able to do. God has something perfect for me that will provide for us financially as well as be possible with my health issues. I can not wait to see what that is :)

Till the perfect job rolls around I am working on some of the dream projects that have been on the back burner. I have already finished a booklet for children with a parent dealing with cancer.

I am taking a travel writing seminar to learn how to earn while I travel. I am trying to do the possible while I wait for God to do the impossible.

Thanks to taxes we are going this month to see my Mom after she broke her knee. While we are gone we are going to go to Helen, Georgia and I hope to turn that into my first paid travel article.

The girls are good they are nervous about the future now that is closer than they can imagine. It is overwhelming to think in 5 years you could go from kid to wife. They are amazing kids though and I know they will be able to conquer anything that comes their way.

While I wait for that perfect job I am ticking off things from my 40's bucket list. One of those things is a tattoo. I have the design now that I want I just have to get the nerve up. :) I am sure that will be a separate blog post later.

As you start July here are some words of encouragement to remember. Much love from my family to yours.

Father's Day

Father's Day is one of those days that the girls and I hide away. It is still really difficult to see all the commercials on tv and hear the sermons about great Dad's without getting sad.

My girls had a magnificent father they know that and they have some memories of the things that he used to do with them but not a lot before cancer. I try to remind them about how amazing he is and never let his memory die but it is really hard.

The girls told me that their memories of childhood revolved around cancer which spurred us onto our endless traveling for a couple of years to make sure that they have happy memories from childhood that will hopefully outweigh some of the sad ones.

When you loose your dad as an adult like I did. You miss him terribly but there is a lifetime of memories to keep them close in your heart. I remember my Dad walking me down the isle and his boisterous laugh of joy when I told him I was pregnant. I remember how the big bad drill instructor that was my dad LOVED to tease my very nonmilitary minded geeky husband.I remember my dad strolling into Annie's hospital room with a balloon and instantly calming her down after her tonsillectomy when no one else was having any luck calming her.

I remember my Dad swatting at Cassie with a fly swatter as she ran by. It was a game to Cassie to avoid the swatter it usually ended with them both laughing and I remember him sitting with a 6-month-old Merry explaining to her what was on television and Merry just looking up at him hanging on every word.

I have a lifetime of memories good and bad but my girls don't have that. So it is easier to just avoid life on Father's day. It is getting easier. I realized this year that I am having to fill both roles in my daughters' life so maybe instead of hiding next year I will claim the day as an extra day to celebrate the fact that we are a team and we have made it together.

Holidays are the toughest when you have lost someone. I think it is human nature to mourn all the things that your lost one will not see. I guess the day will always be tough till they are married and they get to celebrate the day with their kids Dad.

Luckily though their memories are few Gary left them with an indelible example of what a good father and husband is. They have never questioned that their Dad loved them with every bone in his body and he gave them the best gift any father could give their child he loved their mother fiercely. He always made sure that they knew how precious I was to him and by doing that he showed them what to look for in a husband one day.

To Gary's Dad that is thankfully still with us. Thank you for raising an amazing man and thank you for continuing to be there for the girls and I. Happy Father's Day

Happy Fathers Day in heaven baby I love you!

Happy Daddy's day to my Dad as well. I love you.

I have learned through all my struggles and trials to look for nuggets of encouragement all over the place.

The picture below is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It is a declaration from God that when we feel like we at our weakness that is the time God's strength can come through and shine. If where I am weak He is strong then that's okay because that is when miracles happen.

One day before I die I hope I can get my fear in check. This is a simple statement but so very true.

It has been five years since I lost my husband and I can attest that this quote is so true. 

Wise words to remember 

I am a sucker for a great quote or verse. Plese, feel free to share your favorite quotes in the comments below.  I plan on starting my weeks with a post of my favorite quotes of the week. Be sure to check back every weekend :) 

Plans not attained

Well, it's almost been a year since my last post and I am sorry. I got crazy busy with my last term at school. Lots have happened and not happened since that last post. I didn't make it to the Keys, money was just not there for us to go. I still plan on making that trip one day. Gary always told me my eyes matched the water down there and he wanted to show me how beautiful it was. (he was so sweet)

I did manage to finish college so that is a huge thing. Now  I am stuck. I went the direction with my studies that I felt like God was leading and I enjoyed every step of the way. Now I am trying to transform all those great experiences into an actual paying job and I just don't know what to do.

I can't imagine working in an office 40 hours a week, but I never have before so everything is going to be out of my comfort zone. I went to apply at a television station and I don't think I embarrassed myself but I don't think I impressed either. She asked what my ultimate career goals are and I couldn't answer them. It got me really thinking so I went home prayed and thought long and hard and I came up with two lists.  One career goals and the other life goals for the next ten years. Now at least I can answer that question if it asked again.

I have been looking at jobs from Orlando to Jacksonville all the way to Atlanta, California, and even Hawaii. I would love a short three or four-month job in all those places. I would love to explore the country with my girls.

At this point people ask me what's next for me, my answer is I DONT KNOW :(. We are in a holding pattern right now. I am ready for whatever challenge comes our way. The girls are amazing about it, they tell me that as long as we are all together they don't care where we are because home is where ever we are together. I tell you that just makes a momma smile.

Short term summer goals why we wait -

Finish a writing project I am doing with my girls. We created a short booklet to help older kids whose parent has cancer. They told me what worked for them and what they wished they knew and we put it in book form. They want to do a kids medical encyclopedia but I am just not sure about that one :)

Learn how to better handle my DSLR

Submit at least 20 more applications (I know you have to submit a bunch to get that one job you want)

Do things to add to my eportfolio


These are easily attainable goals that will do nothing but enhance my skill set. If I have to wait on the next step I can at least be preparing for the future not just sitting here. Maybe I will give in and get my knee replaced while I am unemployed too. I don't know though Major surgery or continue to limp around we will see LOL.


I am not ashamed to tell you that hearing about all my peers from school doing amazing things is tough cause I am just like "I showered today AND washed my hair" but I know I have to be patient. GRRR hate that word don't you :)