Where has July gone?

I swear this month has gone by so fast it is crazy. It has been a pretty okay month for the Schriver crew. We finally made it to Atlanta to see my Mom. She broke her leg a couple of months ago and is still not getting around well. We had fun exploring Atlanta and visiting with family.

We really hated to leave and the girls asked me to look for jobs in the Atlanta area. I told them we would look but it is up to God where we go.

Job are is one place I could use a ton of prayers. I have applied for jobs that I qualify for but none of the jobs that I have found are those jobs where you get everyone praying for favor because you really really want it. I want to be excited about working but money is getting to be so tight that I am just not sure what to do. I know God has got something perfect for me but I am just not sure what and I really need to figure it out sooner than later.

Until the job thing works itself out I took a mini course in Travel writing. The class taught the process of sending out query letters to write for magazines. I sent my first letter out this week. I have several articles that are ready to go as soon as I find the right place to publish them. Getting paid to write about all the times the girls and I get wanderlust and hit the road would be awesome. :)

Kennesaw Mountain 

I saw something on the internet that said to write every day or do something that is worth writing about. I am going to try and face August like that. Good things are on the way I am believing that.

Happy July

I can not believe it is July. How crazy is that? Time is flying. I have two children who will be going into their Senior year in August. I realize it is 3-5 years till I am an empty nester (insert mild panic attack).

I am still in the market for a job. Money is crazy tight but it is an act of faith for the girls and I. My health is sketchy the doctor today considered adding a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia to my already extensive list of what's wrong with me. I am not sure that a 40 hour a week job is something that health wise I will even be able to do. God has something perfect for me that will provide for us financially as well as be possible with my health issues. I can not wait to see what that is :)

Till the perfect job rolls around I am working on some of the dream projects that have been on the back burner. I have already finished a booklet for children with a parent dealing with cancer.

I am taking a travel writing seminar to learn how to earn while I travel. I am trying to do the possible while I wait for God to do the impossible.

Thanks to taxes we are going this month to see my Mom after she broke her knee. While we are gone we are going to go to Helen, Georgia and I hope to turn that into my first paid travel article.

The girls are good they are nervous about the future now that is closer than they can imagine. It is overwhelming to think in 5 years you could go from kid to wife. They are amazing kids though and I know they will be able to conquer anything that comes their way.

While I wait for that perfect job I am ticking off things from my 40's bucket list. One of those things is a tattoo. I have the design now that I want I just have to get the nerve up. :) I am sure that will be a separate blog post later.

As you start July here are some words of encouragement to remember. Much love from my family to yours.

Father's Day

Father's Day is one of those days that the girls and I hide away. It is still really difficult to see all the commercials on tv and hear the sermons about great Dad's without getting sad.

My girls had a magnificent father they know that and they have some memories of the things that he used to do with them but not a lot before cancer. I try to remind them about how amazing he is and never let his memory die but it is really hard.

The girls told me that their memories of childhood revolved around cancer which spurred us onto our endless traveling for a couple of years to make sure that they have happy memories from childhood that will hopefully outweigh some of the sad ones.

When you loose your dad as an adult like I did. You miss him terribly but there is a lifetime of memories to keep them close in your heart. I remember my Dad walking me down the isle and his boisterous laugh of joy when I told him I was pregnant. I remember how the big bad drill instructor that was my dad LOVED to tease my very nonmilitary minded geeky husband.I remember my dad strolling into Annie's hospital room with a balloon and instantly calming her down after her tonsillectomy when no one else was having any luck calming her.

I remember my Dad swatting at Cassie with a fly swatter as she ran by. It was a game to Cassie to avoid the swatter it usually ended with them both laughing and I remember him sitting with a 6-month-old Merry explaining to her what was on television and Merry just looking up at him hanging on every word.

I have a lifetime of memories good and bad but my girls don't have that. So it is easier to just avoid life on Father's day. It is getting easier. I realized this year that I am having to fill both roles in my daughters' life so maybe instead of hiding next year I will claim the day as an extra day to celebrate the fact that we are a team and we have made it together.

Holidays are the toughest when you have lost someone. I think it is human nature to mourn all the things that your lost one will not see. I guess the day will always be tough till they are married and they get to celebrate the day with their kids Dad.

Luckily though their memories are few Gary left them with an indelible example of what a good father and husband is. They have never questioned that their Dad loved them with every bone in his body and he gave them the best gift any father could give their child he loved their mother fiercely. He always made sure that they knew how precious I was to him and by doing that he showed them what to look for in a husband one day.

To Gary's Dad that is thankfully still with us. Thank you for raising an amazing man and thank you for continuing to be there for the girls and I. Happy Father's Day

Happy Fathers Day in heaven baby I love you!

Happy Daddy's day to my Dad as well. I love you.

I have learned through all my struggles and trials to look for nuggets of encouragement all over the place.

The picture below is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It is a declaration from God that when we feel like we at our weakness that is the time God's strength can come through and shine. If where I am weak He is strong then that's okay because that is when miracles happen.

One day before I die I hope I can get my fear in check. This is a simple statement but so very true.

It has been five years since I lost my husband and I can attest that this quote is so true. 

Wise words to remember 

I am a sucker for a great quote or verse. Plese, feel free to share your favorite quotes in the comments below.  I plan on starting my weeks with a post of my favorite quotes of the week. Be sure to check back every weekend :) 

Plans not attained

Well, it's almost been a year since my last post and I am sorry. I got crazy busy with my last term at school. Lots have happened and not happened since that last post. I didn't make it to the Keys, money was just not there for us to go. I still plan on making that trip one day. Gary always told me my eyes matched the water down there and he wanted to show me how beautiful it was. (he was so sweet)

I did manage to finish college so that is a huge thing. Now  I am stuck. I went the direction with my studies that I felt like God was leading and I enjoyed every step of the way. Now I am trying to transform all those great experiences into an actual paying job and I just don't know what to do.

I can't imagine working in an office 40 hours a week, but I never have before so everything is going to be out of my comfort zone. I went to apply at a television station and I don't think I embarrassed myself but I don't think I impressed either. She asked what my ultimate career goals are and I couldn't answer them. It got me really thinking so I went home prayed and thought long and hard and I came up with two lists.  One career goals and the other life goals for the next ten years. Now at least I can answer that question if it asked again.

I have been looking at jobs from Orlando to Jacksonville all the way to Atlanta, California, and even Hawaii. I would love a short three or four-month job in all those places. I would love to explore the country with my girls.

At this point people ask me what's next for me, my answer is I DONT KNOW :(. We are in a holding pattern right now. I am ready for whatever challenge comes our way. The girls are amazing about it, they tell me that as long as we are all together they don't care where we are because home is where ever we are together. I tell you that just makes a momma smile.

Short term summer goals why we wait -

Finish a writing project I am doing with my girls. We created a short booklet to help older kids whose parent has cancer. They told me what worked for them and what they wished they knew and we put it in book form. They want to do a kids medical encyclopedia but I am just not sure about that one :)

Learn how to better handle my DSLR

Submit at least 20 more applications (I know you have to submit a bunch to get that one job you want)

Do things to add to my eportfolio


These are easily attainable goals that will do nothing but enhance my skill set. If I have to wait on the next step I can at least be preparing for the future not just sitting here. Maybe I will give in and get my knee replaced while I am unemployed too. I don't know though Major surgery or continue to limp around we will see LOL.


I am not ashamed to tell you that hearing about all my peers from school doing amazing things is tough cause I am just like "I showered today AND washed my hair" but I know I have to be patient. GRRR hate that word don't you :)

Making plans but being open for the unexpected

WOW, it is July 1st. Next month will mark four years since Gary went to be with Jesus. FOUR years that is so hard to believe. When he first passed away it was hard to imagine getting through the month without him. 

My goal according to the last post was to spend, what would have been, our 20th anniversary in the Keys. He always wanted to take me there but we could never afford it. He would get all goggly eyed and tell me that the green in my eyes was the same as the green of the water down there. He was so sweet wasn't he?

Unfortunately that didn't happen but that okay. I ended up on another couple adventures. One I had knee surgery. I was having such intense knee pain that I stopped going to church, I stopped doing anything really because it just hurt so much. 

The surgery was pretty successful. The doctor cleaned out all the bone spurs and torn cartilage but he couldn't do too much with the severe arthritis on the inside of my knee. 

I am thankful that the arthritis pain is the only pain that I am still dealing with. It can be really bad but I am determined to live and adapt to it. 

When we were first married, I taught aqua therapy classes to arthritis patients. Now if the YMCA will accept my financial aid application I will use what I taught those ladies on myself. 

Three days after my knee I ended up in the Emergency room with a calcium dip, I should say plummet it was pretty low. The ER visit turned out to be teaching time with Cindy. Not a lot of ER staff know what Hyperparathyroidism is and when you simply tell them low blood calcium they don't realize the severity of the issue. Mine isn't the low blood calcium you get when you give blood and your upper lip is a little numb until you eat something. Mine is the fix this before she drops so low she goes into cardiac arrest or full body cramping.

There is a test you can do by tapping your TMJ nerve (might not be the nerves name but it is in the area of it) when your calcium is low and it will make your lip jump. My surgeon that took my Thyroid out told me that was my new bar room trick. None of the nurses had ever seen a patient exhibit that and they were fascinated. 

The one nurse came in and was going to give me two syringes full of calcium carbonate straight into my IV. I had to stop him and tell him he is wrong. Thankfully he wasn't an arrogant jerk and went and asked the doctor. He came back in with the mixed IV bag. Then they took me by ambulance with two very handsome EMTs to the main campus of the hospital with better equipment to handle any my issues better. 


Thankfully I am finally on the mend from those two adventures. 

This month I also started another new adventure. My University started their campus version of an online magazine that is sort of like Buzzfeed. It is ran by 20 somethings for 20 somethings but they were gracias enough to accept the application of this 20 times 2 something. I have written three pieces so far and it has been so much fun. 

The latest piece I did was in response to an idea on the writers idea board of the paper. It was about not being afraid to go solo. You don't need a boyfriend to be happy. That topic gave me an opportunity to tell the world what I tell my girls all the time. Find out who YOU are before you settle down and get married. 

I was 21 when I got married and I was 24 when I had my first child. I had finished just about 2 years of school but it didn't total two years because I was on the major of the month program. I thought I wanted to be an actress and then a doctor and then a teacher never settling on anything. It was difficult because I didn't really know who Cindy was. To be honest I still don't have a clear view of who Cindy is but it is clearer than it was. 

I would never change marrying Gary when I did or having babies. I do not regret one minute of my life as a stay at home mom. I was blessed to have that opportunity. If I could go back and tell myself (and myself would listen) I would tell that 17 year old who graduated High School to take time to go on adventures. Spend time abroad with the college or on mission trips. Work crazy jobs that sound fun do things and be willing to fail at them. I still lived with Mom and Dad and I had no responsibilities or bills to pay so it was the perfect time to experience everything. 

I didn't do that and now I am a 41 year old widow who up until 2 years ago had nothing other than wife and mom to put on a resume. 

No one when they get married expects to be a widow in their 30's but I tell my girls plan for the unexpected in life. Be a mom and wife but also have a skill to be able to support your family if needed or help with ends meat. 

The article that I wrote last week also had an unexpected effect. Turns out it not only spoke to college age people but to widows as well. It was a  starting off point for several great conversations. 

I try to share a piece of me when I write. I am not the most technically proficient but I am getting better at that. It is such an amazing blessing to have just one person be touched by what I write. It makes my heart happy. 


I do not start school again till fall term, so I have about six weeks to have some more summertime adventures before getting back to work on finishing my Communications degree. I am a little nervous they tell me one of my teachers in the fall feels like it is his job to weed out the people who can't handle Communications. Part of me wants to cry at the prospect of a teacher like that and the other part of me wants to yell "Bring it". Hopefully that part will win out in the fall. 

So many of the plans we have for our life get messed up and honestly when they get messed up it is easy to be mad at God and blame him for things not wiring to your plan. 

Do I think God gave Gary cancer, nope. Do I think God has used that experience for good, yep. At the very least now I can relate to another person who has lost a loved one. It is an honor to pray for people and I know what to specifically pray for. Unless you have gone through circumstances like loosing a spouse it is impossible to know all the unspoken heart trials that a person goes through. It is human nature to want a simple 12 step plan to handle things but grief is more like a 87,000 step suggestion not a plan. (Hint to my next BIG writing project hopefully done by fall). 

Tonight making dinner I was going through all the prayer request in my head for loved ones dealing with loss and families who are dealing with things. It is unfortunately a pretty big list. I opened my soda bottle and the inner ring came off and it reminded me of Gary. Every drink he ever had from soda to milk he would take the inner ring of the cap off and turn it into a heart for me. I still find those twisted pieces of plastic in drawers and every time it makes me smile. When the inner ring came off my bottle I found myself making it into a heart. This plastic heart is for all my friends who are going through grief right now. 

Thank you all for continuing to pray for the girls and I. We have had some tough adventures this summer as well. Thankfully God is always with us and providing for us. I ask that you continue to pray for us. We have some big things coming up and some big worries and concerns that like always I tell God how he can answer them but I know his ways are so much better than anything I can think or imagine. 

Till next time. Love from the Schriver Sorority. 

This year would have been 20 years.

Our wedding day May 20, 1995. We got married at the First United Methodist Church in St. Augustine the same church that his parents were married in. That day I changed my name and gave my heart to this man. The girls asked me if I knew thing how my life would turn out would I still have married him. I could say with out a doubt YES!!! I still would have said I do. We may have only had 16 years together but we shared a deep love and I got three of the craziest, most awesome girls out of the deal.




I always wanted to renew our vows. We weren't happy with the way our wedding turned out and we (okay mostly me but he agreed) wanted to renew our vows at some point. We thought 10 years would have been a good point but we were at such a tight place financially and I was literally neck deep in some serious medical conditions that ten years didn't happen. We were together and alive so we took it in stride and said we will definitely do it at the 20 year mark whether we have a ceremony with friends or at the altar at church with David Sheffield officiating, either way we WILL do it then. Well we didn't make it past the 16 year mark. I wish I could have gone back and reminded myself that we aren't guaranteed a tomorrow and to celebrate while we can.

In my heart I am still married to him so I want to do something special on our 20th. I was racking my brain on what I can do and it finally hit me. Something he always wanted to do but never did was take me to Key West. He used to tell me of all the fun times his family had when they vacationed there and how much he wanted to bring me there. He would tell me that my eyes are the same color as the water down there and until we could go together he would stare into my eyes and dream about us being there (so sweet you could puke right :)).

So I decided that as soon as we get back from my nieces wedding in Texas we will start saving pennies to go to the keys on May 20th 2015 in honor of two decades wearing the man of my dreams name. I may not have him here with me anymore but we can still honor the day and all the amazing memories we had together.

What do you think? Is that a good way to mark 20 years?

Another thing I have tried to not be afraid of doing is traveling. Gary wanted so much to show the girls all 48 continental states before they left our house. He would tell me the best memories he had as a kid revolved around road trips with his family and he wanted to give those great memories to the girls. I always wanted to travel Europe and I still do but I think maybe we can actually manage the 48 state thing.

The sort of round about point to this post is simple, don't put things off. Celebrate now, travel now, experience things and make memories now, none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. It is important to work hard and save money and plan for retirement but don't forget to live along the way. There are only a few things that I regret not doing while I had him with me but I am going to try not to make those mistakes anymore. My girls are only going to be with me for nine or ten more years ( they plan on living with me through college and till they are married) it is time to make memories now.