My goal according to the last post was to spend, what would have been, our 20th anniversary in the Keys. He always wanted to take me there but we could never afford it. He would get all goggly eyed and tell me that the green in my eyes was the same as the green of the water down there. He was so sweet wasn't he?
Unfortunately that didn't happen but that okay. I ended up on another couple adventures. One I had knee surgery. I was having such intense knee pain that I stopped going to church, I stopped doing anything really because it just hurt so much.
The surgery was pretty successful. The doctor cleaned out all the bone spurs and torn cartilage but he couldn't do too much with the severe arthritis on the inside of my knee.
I am thankful that the arthritis pain is the only pain that I am still dealing with. It can be really bad but I am determined to live and adapt to it.
When we were first married, I taught aqua therapy classes to arthritis patients. Now if the YMCA will accept my financial aid application I will use what I taught those ladies on myself.
Three days after my knee I ended up in the Emergency room with a calcium dip, I should say plummet it was pretty low. The ER visit turned out to be teaching time with Cindy. Not a lot of ER staff know what Hyperparathyroidism is and when you simply tell them low blood calcium they don't realize the severity of the issue. Mine isn't the low blood calcium you get when you give blood and your upper lip is a little numb until you eat something. Mine is the fix this before she drops so low she goes into cardiac arrest or full body cramping.
There is a test you can do by tapping your TMJ nerve (might not be the nerves name but it is in the area of it) when your calcium is low and it will make your lip jump. My surgeon that took my Thyroid out told me that was my new bar room trick. None of the nurses had ever seen a patient exhibit that and they were fascinated.
The one nurse came in and was going to give me two syringes full of calcium carbonate straight into my IV. I had to stop him and tell him he is wrong. Thankfully he wasn't an arrogant jerk and went and asked the doctor. He came back in with the mixed IV bag. Then they took me by ambulance with two very handsome EMTs to the main campus of the hospital with better equipment to handle any my issues better.
Thankfully I am finally on the mend from those two adventures.
This month I also started another new adventure. My University started their campus version of an online magazine that is sort of like Buzzfeed. It is ran by 20 somethings for 20 somethings but they were gracias enough to accept the application of this 20 times 2 something. I have written three pieces so far and it has been so much fun.
The latest piece I did was in response to an idea on the writers idea board of the paper. It was about not being afraid to go solo. You don't need a boyfriend to be happy. That topic gave me an opportunity to tell the world what I tell my girls all the time. Find out who YOU are before you settle down and get married.
I was 21 when I got married and I was 24 when I had my first child. I had finished just about 2 years of school but it didn't total two years because I was on the major of the month program. I thought I wanted to be an actress and then a doctor and then a teacher never settling on anything. It was difficult because I didn't really know who Cindy was. To be honest I still don't have a clear view of who Cindy is but it is clearer than it was.
I would never change marrying Gary when I did or having babies. I do not regret one minute of my life as a stay at home mom. I was blessed to have that opportunity. If I could go back and tell myself (and myself would listen) I would tell that 17 year old who graduated High School to take time to go on adventures. Spend time abroad with the college or on mission trips. Work crazy jobs that sound fun do things and be willing to fail at them. I still lived with Mom and Dad and I had no responsibilities or bills to pay so it was the perfect time to experience everything.
I didn't do that and now I am a 41 year old widow who up until 2 years ago had nothing other than wife and mom to put on a resume.
No one when they get married expects to be a widow in their 30's but I tell my girls plan for the unexpected in life. Be a mom and wife but also have a skill to be able to support your family if needed or help with ends meat.
The article that I wrote last week also had an unexpected effect. Turns out it not only spoke to college age people but to widows as well. It was a starting off point for several great conversations.
I try to share a piece of me when I write. I am not the most technically proficient but I am getting better at that. It is such an amazing blessing to have just one person be touched by what I write. It makes my heart happy.
I do not start school again till fall term, so I have about six weeks to have some more summertime adventures before getting back to work on finishing my Communications degree. I am a little nervous they tell me one of my teachers in the fall feels like it is his job to weed out the people who can't handle Communications. Part of me wants to cry at the prospect of a teacher like that and the other part of me wants to yell "Bring it". Hopefully that part will win out in the fall.
So many of the plans we have for our life get messed up and honestly when they get messed up it is easy to be mad at God and blame him for things not wiring to your plan.
Do I think God gave Gary cancer, nope. Do I think God has used that experience for good, yep. At the very least now I can relate to another person who has lost a loved one. It is an honor to pray for people and I know what to specifically pray for. Unless you have gone through circumstances like loosing a spouse it is impossible to know all the unspoken heart trials that a person goes through. It is human nature to want a simple 12 step plan to handle things but grief is more like a 87,000 step suggestion not a plan. (Hint to my next BIG writing project hopefully done by fall).
Tonight making dinner I was going through all the prayer request in my head for loved ones dealing with loss and families who are dealing with things. It is unfortunately a pretty big list. I opened my soda bottle and the inner ring came off and it reminded me of Gary. Every drink he ever had from soda to milk he would take the inner ring of the cap off and turn it into a heart for me. I still find those twisted pieces of plastic in drawers and every time it makes me smile. When the inner ring came off my bottle I found myself making it into a heart. This plastic heart is for all my friends who are going through grief right now.
Thank you all for continuing to pray for the girls and I. We have had some tough adventures this summer as well. Thankfully God is always with us and providing for us. I ask that you continue to pray for us. We have some big things coming up and some big worries and concerns that like always I tell God how he can answer them but I know his ways are so much better than anything I can think or imagine.
Till next time. Love from the Schriver Sorority.
