Father's Day

I had an interesting conversation with the girls tonight about weather or not they wanted to skip church on Father's Day.

The last few years it has just hurt way to much to go to church on Father's Day. Those were the Sundays we had emergency Disney trips. This year Disney isn't an option and it has been 3 years since we lost him and 5 since he was at church on Father's day so I asked them if they would be okay with going. Honestly I don't want to because it will make me cry thinking about what a wonderful guy he was but I was open to going either way.

Merry explained her thoughts in an interesting way. She told me for her it isn't sad as much as it is uncomfortable. She told me it is like everyone having a lollipop but you and you are going to celebrate lollipops. It isn't as much sad is it is uncomfortable. She said I like lollipops and they are important to celebrate but when you don't have one it is hard.

We are not going to be at church even though we will miss a while with our trip (please don't forget us CRC) but we will be thanking God for all the wonderful men at our church who are amazing Dad's to their kiddos.

I also hope that those amazing men who we celebrate on Sunday may be open to the idea God giving them opportunities to be a father figure to the kids in their lives that do not have fathers. My girls lost their Dad to cancer but their are other kids whose Dad's may be alive but aren't in their lives for whatever reason. There are a lot of is single moms out there who struggle the best they can to be both mom and dad to their kiddos but God designed a child to need a mom and a dad and for whatever reason that role of Dad isn't being met in a kids life I pray that you amazing Dad's out there would be open to stepping in that role for a child who needs it.

My youngest came in the other night and said she read a study where kids who are missing a father figure in their life during their teen years are more likely to do drugs and get pregnant. She said since Daddy died when I was 10 I guess that means I am screwed. I reminded her that she had the most amazing Dad ever for that 10 years and that counts for so much and his influence is still felt in her life on a daily basis.

My girls are blessed they have their Daddy's brothers and Dad who have stepped in and gone to Daddy/daughter dances with them and other things with them. They have seen them come in and save the day when something broke in the house. When we visit my family they have my brother in law who has flown with them on trips before and nephews of mine who have been there to just hang out with them.

I know in the world today the roles of men and women are getting more and more convoluted. It is so not politically correct to say this but what the hay I will say it anyway. Men and Women are different we bring different things to the parenting table and kids need both parts of what we bring.

Dad's rock out loud they are the first best friends to their sons and first loves to their daughters. They help the kids in their life understand more about the awesomeness of our heavenly father when they see how amazing their earthly one is. They give strength and encouragement, they threaten bullies and clean shotguns when daughters start to date. They show their daughters how a man should treat a woman by how amazing they treat their moms. They are there to keep teenage sons from treating their dates like pieces of meat instead of ladies and they are the ones who stand with their daughters at the end of a long carpeted isle and tear up as they remember the 4 year old little girl who came out with fake flowers and a table cloth on her head begging him to walk her down the isle.

My girls have dating and advice and well wishes and prayers for future marriages in letters in a fireproof box. They had a friend stand behind them and show them how to tie a tie when they asked how to do it so they could help their future husbands. They have all ready asked their Grandfather to walk them down the isle one day.

Father's we celebrate you on Sunday and we thank God for all the amazing Dads out their who sew into their kids life and other kids who God puts in their path who need them.

Happy Father's Day

Hitting the road Jack or Jackie in our case...

Wow, the last couple of months have been so depressing. Money has been tight and I mean squeaking out the quarters kind of tight. I don't have a job or benefits and school is taking forever to finish, Annie kept having seizures, I couldn't afford my medication and I just wanted to sit in a pile of ashes and use broken pottery to pick my scabs (Job reference).

I went to church and I laid it out there for all to see. I put how bad things have been on my communication card and I think I was even lower spiritually then right after Gary died. I cried out to God that sunday and told him exactly how he can solve my problems. Funny thing is, when you tell God how to solve your issues I think he just laughs at you. After I calmed down, God reminded me of a small retirement fund that was available to take some funds from and so I did. I took enough to catch up on my mortgage, buy a month of the pricey medication and pay most of my credit card off. Talk about stress relief. That was super stress relief.

Well now that I felt better God started talking again and we got on the subject of summertime. A few days latter I find out I have a few thousand dollars coming from grants at school and God says to me well it is time to hit the road. You know where I want you to move to (Rancho Cucamonga, California) it is time to drive out there and bring your resume and start planting some seeds for you and the girls to move out there.

I know it is totally crazy to jump in the car and drive 2800 miles one way on a whim and a prayer but that is what we are going to do. Not going to tell you when we are leaving cause that would be sort of cray cray to do on a public blog but at some point in the near future we are going to set out for the great unknown. I am going to go armed with copies of my book (if you haven't read it yet, shame on you :)) and a jazzed up version of my resume and see how God uses it all. I am hoping to find groups to speak to about my book and my testimony but even if that part of the trip doesn't work out it will be 20 days of special once in a lifetime memories for the girls and I.

We are planning on seeing things like Bourbon Street, Tennessee aquarium, the Alamo, area 51, grand canyon, Vegas baby, the pacific, route 66, and of course we will visit Homecoming at terra vista in Rancho Cucamonga to see if the apartments are truly as nice as they seem online.

I am not sure what will come from this trip other than callouses on our hineys and we will be on a super tight budget but I have learned when you go into something with no firm expectations and no money is when really cool stuff happens.

Please be in prayer for us and about the godly appointments we will have on the road. I have no idea what God is doing in our lives right now. In a way it is really scary. I am having to walk the path that God is showing me (achingly slow) and trust him to be the father to the fatherless and the husband to the widow.

Steven Curtis Chapman has a new song called the Glorious unfolding and that song speaks to my life right now in so many ways. I am looking forward to taking this next step on my unfolding and see how God uses this trip and who he will bring across our path.

As always I covet your prayers. August will be three years since Gary left us to go to heaven and in some ways I feel like I am a completely different person but then there are months like the last couple where the only thought I had was God screwed up and took the wrong parent, Gary would have been so much better at this than me. That is the truth, he would have been better at this than me but I am the one that was left and I have stuff to do and accomplish. I still have to remind myself of the word from God a friend gave me a week before Gary was diagnosed, she said God wanted to remind me that I was enough.

That is something I think every woman and mother in the world needs to remember.

Thank you for continuing the journey with me and you can find my book "My Journey through the fiery furnace" on Barnes and Noble or amazon.com or on the various ebook platforms.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rolTdI7I_4M