So many of my friends are
going through so much stuff right now my heart is constantly interceding for
the issues that are being faced. Most if not all of you know our story I tend
to share a lot ;) But I just feel the need to reshare parts of my story not as
a way to say hey look how great I am (we all no that isn’t true) but to say how
great God is. Gary and I were married for 16 wonderful amazing years. I cant
think of a one of those 16 years that didn’t have some sort of trial and faith
walk in them. We had to stand in faith for Gods provision frequently but I
don’t know if you have ever done this or not but I used to tell God the ways HE
could provide for us. You can imagine how well that worked out for us J In 2009 Gary was diagnosed with Cancer and now we
were standing in faith for so much more then a roof over our head we were
standing in faith for life itself. The caner began effecting Gary’s health
almost immediately he contstantly worried that he would loose his job and if he
lost his job how in the world would we survive. We had to come to a place where
we went to God TOGETHER something happened we were storming heaven arm and arm
seeking wisdom and direction. We came to the realization that God put Gary in
the company he was at on purpose they became more of a blessing then we could
have EVER imagined but at the time he worried that they would cut their losses
and fire him. God made it very clear that he was going to use his company to
provide for a time but our provision was not through them our provision was
through God and it didn’t matter what his company did Gods provision was still
going to be there. I know that means so much especially to men they want to be
the provider God called you to be but it isn’t you that does the providing it
is God through you and if he wants to change ways it is HIS choice we have to
be open to listening to HIM.
In 2010 God began to knock me
down to nothing. You have seen those cartoons where the fighter keeps getting
hit and comes back up well God wanted my flesh to get knocked out and stay out.
In Feb 2010 Gary had begun chemo and radiation and was feeling horrible and
then my eldest wound up in the hospital pretty sick. I was all ready feeling
pretty worn down then one day my Mother in law came and stayed with Annie so I
could come home and get some “rest”. I walked in the door and instead of Hi the
first words out of my mothers (who lived with us) mouth was both toilets are
broken, what do we do?? Okay so Eldest is in the hospital, Husband is throwing
up from radiation and now the two toilets in our home are not working and
counting me there are 4 women in the home currently so bathrooms are kinda
important.
Normally my mind goes to
fixit mode or begins telling God you could provide by this or this instead I sat
on my couch after posting on facebook that I think God wants me to loose my
mind I sat there looked to God and just said I have no idea. I have no savings
I have no money I have no idea I am done. Life at that moment knocked me out
cold. God wasn’t knocked out though. I got a call from my brother in law
(wasn’t expecting that one) who was out of work at the time and in his own
struggle he got with my Father in law in they worked together cam over and by
the time I went back to the hospital the plumber came and we now had a potty ;)
That was just the beginning the rest of the year was filled with moments like
that. Trips to see specialists that we had no money for money mysteriously and
unexpectanly showed up and we went. Experimental drugs that were going to cost
7500 but ended up being covered for a 35 dollar copay. You KNOW GOD is mighty
when he could move inscurance companies. 2011 Gary got his last paycheck Jan 15th
after that we were given disability wich was roughly half of what he was paid
and we had to pay cobra out of that so we pretty much had nothing coming in to
the bank. I was in charge of our finances at that point Gary was just to sick
but there was no way in the natural that we would still have a home and car no
way at all but we knew that God had our backs and we could either waste our
energy on worrying (which I still did I cant lie) or we would use that energy
to bask in each other while we still had each other. During that time we
weren’t even LATE on a mortgage payment we always had food I always had my diet
dr pepper we always had enough and even some to share and bless others with
sometimes. I would have a pile of bills due and I would look at God and say
okay you know what the needs are surprise me;) God did just that we were
blessed from places we would have NEVER even thought. About a month before Gary
died he called me into his room and said OK we know my time here is limited the
social worker said you should get 250 a month in social security and you have 2
years of my salary so you have just enough time to get a degree so you can
support yourself. He continued training me sewing into me all he could possible
sew into me. I listened and learned and then I told him don’t you worry one
minute God hasn’t let us go hungry (obviously) and he wont start when you are
gone HE will protect us and love on us for you.. Gary passed in to heaven
peacefully sourounded by his family JUST the way he wanted. We memorialized him
and buried him. Nothing had come through yet financially so we were at 35 dollars
in the bank then the air conditioner died REALLY GOD REALLY!!! Thankfully the
company would come and replace it and work with us on paying in time but we
were stuck in a house with no air and I looked at my mom and told her wouldn’t
it be nice if we went to the mailbox and found a check so we could spend the
night in a hotel. My mom said “oh Cindy God doesn’t work like that”. Well she
was right it was my inbox on facebook that I got a message from a saint asking
if we would like to go spend the night at the beach and my answer was uh YES J God wasn’t
done suprising me yet when life inscurance came in it was twice what Gary and
thought and social security ended up being about 75% of what his weekly
paycheck was. God continues to make ways and provision for us that continually
surprise me. Am I perfect in my faith, NO. I wont be perfect till I get to
heaven but I can sit here and share with others who are going through similar
stuff GOD REALLY DOES WORK. He provides for us if we can stop trying to tell God
how he can provide for us and just sit back and know that He WILL provide for
you. To the men who are out of work yes God called you to be the provider and
the leader of your home but don’t ever loose sight of the fact that God doesn’t
need you to provide for your family he will do it no matter what. If you are
out of work take this time to ask God what He wants you to learn from this
time. Ask God what job to apply for. God wants to be a part of your life in
every area seek HIM on what to do. As a couple storm Heavens gates together!!
God said where two or more are gathered in HIS name there I am also that is the
amazing part of marriage you always have two of you. Don’t ever loose sight of
the fact that you are a team you are one chord, one person and you need to
bring the junk of life to your heavenly Father TOGETHER. God is with each of
you and He is waiting to do miracles in each of us. Gods main purpose is to get
us into Heaven so His ways are deffintely not our at least my ways are but he
is there for you to grow you and help you. I write this only to bring Praise to
the awesomeness of Jehovah Jireah and to encourage you to die to self and lean
totally and completely on God let him grow you and mold you. Sometimes He
allows us to be put in the fire where human eyes would say there is no hope but
at that point of no hope God meets you in the fire and sees you through the
fire and you are better at the other end for having gone through that fire. God
loves you all so much He DIED for us He has plans for all of us. Do not loose
heart in furnace times because if you don’t miracles are going to happen just
look at my life ;) God is so good J
